I find it odd that whenever I get the urge to post about how life is going in general all I can seem to discuss is how frustrated I am.
Why can’t I just as easily recall that in my life which is going well? Or that in my life that I am striving for outside of what frustrates me?
WELL NO MORE!!! I actually intend to talk about something other than that which frustrates me!
But before we do that… here’s what’s frustrating me: seminary.
Surprise, surprise; except, not really. It’s not even a month into the semester and I already feel bogged down and behind! And I am!! However, that’s not the most frustrating aspect; the most frustrating aspect is the actual willingness to give into temptation and commence “Protocol B.S.”
I am not a B.Ser, never have been and never will be (at least I hope not). I don’t like B.S. because it doesn’t do any good for me nor does it do any good for anyone else. It’s simply a way to get others to allow you to get by. In other words its contrary to that other desire I have, working towards the kingdom of God.
I was writing up an exegesis draft the other night and hit a wall; I didn’t care to continue, and a lot of the work wasn’t producing useful information. I began to get angry, not because I was frustrated at the assignment, but because I was frustrated, ultimately, with myself. As I was forcing myself to drudge through it, under the reasoning of “because I should”, I began the commencement of Protocol B.S. My anger was myself against myself, I wanted to get as much work done as possible in order to save myself work later, and yet the work I was doing was in essence useless crap. This in turn would have only made my work later more frustrating as I would have to work through the B.S. and find useful information
Come to think of it, most of my frustration with seminary can find some sort of root in that area. Because I do have so much work to do at certain points in time, I find myself working, but not really towards anything except the accomplishment of an assignment. Of course that means a high probability of a B.S. transition, which, like I said, serves no purpose and, therefore, frustrates me. It becomes a waste of my time, effort and money, because it doesn’t put it to the good use of actually developing me; further, it becomes a waste of the same for the professor, because they accomplish nothing by critiquing it.
Aside from all of that, however.
I am on a pursuit for more personal devotion time this semester. I have more than enough time in the mornings everyday of the week to have some sort of devotional time. What that means, however, I am unsure of. I don’t know if it means prayer, meditation, reading scripture, reading a devotion, etc. But I do know that it might at least help me center myself in the morning.
My devotional life is one aspect of me that has not received much attention at all upon arriving at seminary. I know professors testify to its necessity and benefits, as do all the students. But it just seems like it is not structurally promoted, as opposed to other things, like dull chapel services and assignments. So, I am going to work at devoting time to morning devotion. It’s worked well so far when I have done it, although I’ll admit I gave up on it this week due to an incredible headache Tuesday morning, and a very ill spirit Thursday morning.
So I know I am actually going to need to schedule and actually plan out my time, otherwise it will just become another one of those good ideas to promote spiritual growth that falls by the wayside.
Here’s my rough idea so far, which of course is subject to great change.
Monday: Scripture reading
Tuesday: whatever morning office is for that day
Wednesday: a selection from “My Utmost for His Highest”
Thursday: a mediation of some sort – I think I need to figure out whether this should be journaling, or a time of silent prayer/reflection, etc
Friday: I am unsure, this is my most unpredictable day as I do not know what’s waiting for me when I arrive at school
Saturday: time with my wife relaxing and drinking coffee – best devotion of the week
The other pursuit of this semester?
Planning ahead and starting projects earlier (you know, like before the day before they’re due)