So I finally have my netbook back, at least now I will be able to surf the web when I can find a chance and not suffer with only having the internet so long as I am around a connected computer.
It feels freeing, I can actually do school work away from school!
Oddly enough, that seems how much of my life has been since class last Thursday… freeing, I’ve been able to get a peace of mind.
Its nice, its nice to feel free. I am caught up with all of my readings, I was stressed about an assignment and that seems to have gone away, I am done with my presentation for a class, so now that stress is gone.
I mean its like I can finally start the cruising process. I mean insofar as I am staying caught up. It will feel like cruising because I know what is expected of me, I know how I am going to have to appropriate my time, and since I now know this I know how to handle it.
It was a ridiculously stressful first few weeks, but now I don’t feel so stressed any more. So this feeling is definitely a blessing, but I can’t help to sense an under current of fear that somehow something along the way is just going to get me stressed out and frustrated again and I will feel helpless against it, like tests and papers.
I must admit I am not the best at disciplining myself to plan ahead, especially after coming off a particularly stressful time period. I am far more apt to just chill out and relax.
I suppose that’s what my ultimate problem is though, I love to chill out and relax and… be lazy. I just can’t get myself to be disciplined to the point of doing things so I am allowed the time to be free.
I mean I know the consequences, less sleep, more stress, more anger and a rather dead spiritual life.
Maybe I am learning, maybe. I just hope to grow in this area before I have a job that demands it of me and when I fail its not just myself is the primary sufferer, but the church I am pastoring and my family.